You Are a Witch

You Are a Witch

Dear Social Media User,

I need to apologise for this caption because if I didn’t use it, this letter would end up in the trash bin. And I also want to appreciate you for keeping me entertained and partially informed these past years.

Though, I have series of concern that I need to tell you and I believe that you would take time to read this letter. And I want to whisper that you are practicing public wizardry. Aren’t you?

But if you are not and quite sure that you aren’t a witch or a wizard, you can come and spank me in my apartment.

If you invade other people’s privacy from your respective home with unsolicited messages, gory photos and damnable videos, then you are a member of the ‘flying club’.

Still confused? You know that in Africa, the flying club is merciless and ruthless when it comes to dealing with its victims. Today’s technology has upgraded wizardry to the next level. There is no difference between you and the flying club members because now you do not need wings or diabolical means to appear to your target homes, all you need is mobile device.

Believe it or not, each time you send some videos or pictures on the various platforms, my heart thud in ‘dudukeism’ rhythm (Apologies to Simi Adekunle Gold) and I wonder and truly wonder but refused to become a wanderer (Apologies to Femi Kuti). Where have decency, dignity, integrity, conscience and love of your neighbor gone?

Truth be told, I cringe at some appalling stuffs that you throw my way. How do you explain your several videos and pictures on incest, child pornography without protecting faces of these underaged? Or the gory details of bloodshed that you slammed on the pages? Who does that?

You go to such extent to post nude pictures of your girlfriends in compromising positions online just because the relationship went sour. What do you gain from this?

While you enjoy your new found wizardry, let me tell you that almost 85 per cent of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), affecting women globally is induced by some of these posts on social media platforms. You forget the laws of karma.

I am sure all the perfume in Arabia will not sweeten what you started.  As if that is not enough, you hurt my sensibilities with fake life.

William Shakespeare’s character: Macbeth was intoxicated by ambition, appearing clueless and fear of being weak in the eyes of his wife. So are you. That is why you exhibit flashes of untrue personality to appear ‘loaded’.

My dear Social Media user, very affluent people do not go to social media platforms to display wealth because their bank accounts speak for them. And when they sneeze, any branch manager is jittery.

You are not only a witch but influencer of every bad thing. I have decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadow. It seems I am forgetting to add that when you sometimes beef your friends, you write down some grammatically incorrect sentences among others. Your grammatical constructions often confuse Prof. Wole Soyinka and small me struggling with the English language.

As if that is not enough, you report many stories. Please, do not hunt me with this new wizardry of fake news. You don’t need it. I quite agree with you that the flying club has turned you into a rookie reporter, photo editor and editor at the same time.

True, bad news sells but you can change the narratives with this new witchcraft of yours. Be a harbinger of good news.

Basically, I love you and I want you to respect people’s boundaries. Why not invest in webinars, report less of fake news and fake life? Please tell your friends and neighbors to stop hacking into people’s accounts for selfish purposes because a day of reckoning is coming soon.

Do not be an inventor of evil things. I am not a saint and I know that not everyone wants to discuss their explicit sexual affairs publicly.  What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. We do not need details on social media platforms. Enough is enough! See no evil and hear no evil.

Covid­-19 pandemic invasion is tough already. Please do not make it too excruciating for faint hearted people like me.

Thank you,

Yours in the social media cathedral,


See you next Sunday on Periscope