I am Pregnant
‘If you survived this year with your mental health intact, then you are already a champion. This second lockdown is particularly stressful. It’s like fighting an invisible enemy who deprived you of every single joy’.
That quote was posted during the week on the WhatsApp status of one of my very few good friends, Yetunde Oduga. That quote was apt and nerve calming at a time when everything stood still.
During the week, a 14 year old had sent a Whatsapp message asking me to be an illegal arbitrator between her and her parents.
“I am simply pregnant and they don’t get it. I want to be a mother. Can you talk to them aunty?”
That was the tersest message that I got in my life when I roused from sleep. Infact my brain refused to boot even after waking up for hours.
Took the courage to call the number back and inquire if there was a mistake somewhere. The confirmation came back as no mistake.
“I was bored and Ryan was there. He taught me several things that mom and dad did not teach me. You know, I just wanted to be a mom. Are you judging me?”
“Not at all. So what are Ryan parents and yours saying about this?”
“My parents are mad but Ryan and his parents are cool with it.”
“Ok? So, how old is Ryan?”
“By December 2, he will be 15”.
Wondered what a 15 year -old could teach a 14 year- old which the parents did not.
This is no time to be judgmental.
Not the best time to rebuke.
Not the right time to probe too deeply.
Not the time for moment of truth.
My jamming brain kept pumping in several No-noes.
After a long pause, I managed to say, “Ok. So is your parent’s home?”
“Dunno, I’m not home. But Dad moved out, don’t know where.”
“Ok Pilar, I will do my best. But how prepared are you to be a mom?”
“As ready as ABC. All my mates are almost parents”. Was the curt reply
“Ok. Everyone? Was that why you simply got pregnant?”
“Nah, Ryan and I agreed. We love each other.”
“Love? What do you know about being a mother? How do you plan to support the baby and how about your school”.
“It’s ok. I can always go back to school. Being a mom is not end of the world. Our option B is to rely on government support and option C is to look for a short term foster parents”.
“Hmmm. Ok. Where are you now?”
“I am cooling off at Ryans”.
Sometimes, when there are answers to every question, the arithmetic equation is solved.
A cold call to her parent’s house and the atmosphere was so tensed. The condition of her mother was terrible. I and another friend called 811 and the nurse at the other end explained what to do.
All the mother could mutter, “Tell me, where I got it wrong? We moved here 20 years ago because we wanted a better life. Look at my life”.
The empty- nest syndrome was quite understandable but not acceptable.
She vented but the deed has been done. Sleep had been murdered. Her husband heaped all the blame on her for prioritizing career over the children. Being an essential health practitioner, she had more overtime than she bargained for. Other lives matters in the face of the pandemic. She was lonely and just like TS Elliot poem: ‘A cold journey we had of it’.
It was a gloomy winter attack without a ventolin inhaler. A pitiful sight.
“So, what do we do now?” Was the only question that popped up after several silent hours from the other friend?
“Dunno”, was her quiet response.
It was a heavy silence. Not a time to trade blame. Living abroad may look promising but the challenge and depression attached to it is unfathomable.
Possibly, while both parents work quite hard to pick bills, make life comfortable for their children, Ryan became the ‘saviour’ who stepped in and ‘bed schooled’ their daughter using elective GNS 101 on ‘How to become a mother at 14’.
Her 14 year old is pregnant for a 15 year old who is barely out of school. Her husband moved out. People who had once respected her family now gossip ‘Christianly’ and ‘sermonize’ about the situation.
If only the hand of the clock could change? If only the cup could be taken off her. If only her daughter who wanted to become a surgeon in the nearest future did not get broken? If only and if only?
The situation has become an induced mental health with a combined honour from the lockdown.
